10) Bring her flowers or a card.

9) Greet her with a hug and kiss.

8) Take over the kitchen and do the dishes.

7) Massage her feet, neck or back (if not too painful).

6) Plan date nights in or out of the house.

5) Connect with her and tell her you love her.

4) Allow her to be honest about how she is doing.

3) Believe her when she says she “can’t” do this or that.

2) Listen to her feelings without trying to “fix it.”

1) Pray with her and for her.

Copyright 2004, By Wayne Connell

“Now, my mom was not Chronically Ill, living with years of pain. But she did suffer quite a bit for the better part of a year and lived with cancer for over four years. My dad was awesome during that time. She died in 2000 and I was blessed to be able to tell my dad what God had shared with me.”

July 25th, 2000

Dear Dad,

I am writing this late at night and I am crying as I do. Not because of you. But maybe some things we need to say are long overdue…I want you to know how proud I am of you. If I never respected you ever before (and I state that with an IF) or showed you the respect I had for you, the respect I have for you now makes up for the past 1000 times over. I watched you over the last weeks and months of mom’s life and drew inspiration from you. I never understood your love for each other, but seeing you care for her tirelessly and above and beyond any persons reasonable capabilities showed me more about the strength of God and of true love than just about anything I’ve ever known. [Read more…]

I wonder where I should begin? Because Fibromyalgia is invisible so many people do not believe it really is a disease! You can not see it, therefore, it is not! That is what many “Doctors”, Employers and Government have believed for along time. While they have ignored this disease it has tortured countless numbers of people. Years ago I witnessed this disease take the life of a wonderful woman and neighbor of mine, because she committed suicide after being told by countless doctors that all her pain was in her head!

The problem began years ago for my wife, but we just did not know what was happening! My wife was always doing something, always working on some project that she loved. She was a great Floral Designer and made a lot of money for the company she worked for in Griffin. She would decorate at least 12 Christmas Trees in the store, all over 12 feet and come home and decorate her own at home of 12 feet. [Read more…]

First of all, we have been Christians for over 30 years now. Down through the years, it has been a process of constant changes. The thing that has really helped me is that I have learned to a great extent to go with the “flow.” Whatever the Lord Jesus Christ wants me to do and no matter how hard the adjustment may be or how painful it is, I must yield.

With Joan’s illness at first it was lovely. She had her double by-pass and through the circumstances of that, we were reconciled with our ex-pastor’s wife who was a tremendous help and a prayer warrior. Then the grafts (veins) failed and she had to return to the hospital. Both angioplasties were unsuccessful. The surgeon came out and said that there was a great possibility that Joan would be a vegetable for the rest of her life. I told him that all I had to go on was my “faith.”

After the surgical procedure, I stayed with her until 11:00 p.m. or so. She had started vomiting which wasn’t a good sign. I left around 11:30 to go home to take a shower. A message was on our answering machine to quickly return to the hospital. She had a stroke from the medication and wasn’t expected to recover. [Read more…]

The grief would come in waves, washing over him when he least expected. At times it was brought on by the winsome smile of his daughter, regardless of the turmoil in his life. Other times it was triggered by the day-to-day fight to save his first wife.

For Jeffrey Boyd, MD, watching Pat Boyd endure chronic illness for 18 years before she died, left him devastated. After all, he was not just her husband. He was also her caregiver.

Humility and reflection

“I cannot say that Pat and I were always successful in dealing with the illness,” recalled the psychiatrist and Chairman of Waterbury Hospital’s Behavioral Health Department. “I came away from [the experience] feeling humbled and that I was not as good a caregiver as I should have been.”

Pat Boyd’s last years weren’t easy. She had heart problems, two strokes and her kidneys failed leaving her on dialysis. She had diabetes, went blind and even had to have both her legs amputated above the knee. She died in 1985 at age 50.

Still, her husband tried to ease her anguish. [Read more…]

“Your HIV test came back positive,” the testing center counselor said. Knowing HIV caused AIDS, I tried to grasp the reality of being HIV positive, while hurling it as far away as possible.

Two weeks earlier, in March 1993, the possibility of marriage had prompted me to tell Rick that even though he had remained a virgin, I had not. I didn’t become a Christian until after college, and I had given my body to others. Rick had assured me my past wouldn’t hurt our relationship, but now, how could I tell him this news?

I hadn’t even told him I’d been tested; the likelihood seemed so remote. So I decided to retest, just to be sure.

The struggle Driving home I thought, This can’t be happening. I am only 27 years old. Rick and I are in love and want to marry. Rick is a strong Christian man, but why would he commit to a woman who might have a terminal illness?

By midnight, my tissue box was empty, yet I struggled with my thoughts through the rest of the night. What a hypocrite. Everyone will reject you—Rick, family, friends, church members, co-workers. What a failure. You’ll die alone, thin and weak. Covered with sores. In pain. Without friends. You will have nothing.

By morning, I was still awake, and I knew I would see Rick that night. I can’t keep this from him, and why should I? He deserves to know the truth, I thought. Then he’ll be gone!

That evening, we sat and faced each other. Rick’s eyes met mine. I looked down at my hands and tried to speak, but managed only a stifled cry.

“What is it?” Rick asked. [Read more…]